Wanna be the CEO of NOKIA? Take the Simple Quiz

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The quiz is quite particular and some might say it is controversial even. There is something thought of as 'old school' management thinking that is based on the MBA (Master of Business Administration) teaching which tends to still taught in most misguided and obsolete business schools like Harvard and Yale and Oxford and Cambridge and Insead etc. That has become completely irrelevant in a new world of Microsoft.

There is a new management philosophy which supersedes the MBA, it is the MMA, The Microsoft Muppet Academy which is based on the teachings of grand guru and learned leader Steve Ballmer (The Grand Microsoft Master, the man who single-handedly conquered the whole smartphone world with ten years of Microsoft Windows Mobile; whose earth shattering Kin phones were the global hit, so popular they had to be withdrawn from sales in only six weeks; and the Microsoft Windows Phone 7 an operating system so powerful most of its handset makers are deserting the platform and the reseller channel is actively boycotting it). The head of the MMA is of course Stephen Elop the Learned, the sharpest knife in the cabinet, the quickest brain in the business and the smoothest operator of the whole universe of telecoms.

The newer Redmond Microsoft based learning's taught at the Microsoft Muppet Academy tell us that the ecosystem is what decides who wins. But if you already have the bigger ecosystem like Symbian, then you have to of course terminate that, and replace it with the smallest and weakest ecosystem out there like WP7. The MMA teaches us that you have to care for your developers, but only so far, where you can then screw them so they don't have a migration path, like Microsoft so kindly did in not offering migration from Windows Mobile to Phone 7 - and if you find an ecosystem which is open source and actually has a migration path like from Symbian to MeeGo, that has to be destroyed.

The MMA teaches us that you have to listen to the carriers, but only up to the point, that you know what will anger them the most - and then do only that. So it is not enough to find that the resellers are in boycott today. That is only step one. Then you have to listen to them so you can anger them more - so you find out they hate Dual SIM phones. So you can then tell them that yes, you'll release dual SIM phones. Tell them you'll give them West Coast designed phones like the Kin and the Razr and the Palm. And listen to them to find out what they hate more than you. When you discover that they hate something even more than the combination of Microsoft and Nokia, then go and embrace that additional part - Skype, insisting it will be integral to all Microsoft based Nokia phones.

There is the overwhelming logic of the Microsoft Muppet Academy, by which if you find something is so hated by the shareholders that they punish you with a declining market share, the correct response is of course to do even more of that. This is where Dick Cheney went astray and didn't follow through. He didn't 'stay the course'. He was the surrender-monkey who didn't 'surge'. Its not enough that you go hunting with your friend, take a shotgun and shoot your friend.. in the face, the true Microsoft Muppet way is then not to apologize, but to reload, and shoot again.. your friend.. in the face.. and repeat, and repeat. This is the MMA way.

This is how Stephen Elop has run Nokia. February 2011. Burning Platforms (utter lies). Bam! Reload. Will end Symbian and go Microsoft. Bam! Reload. Will not do MeeGo. Bam! Reload. Kill migration path for developer community. Bam! Reload. Carriers in sales boycott. Fine. I'll do Dual SIM. Bam! Reload. Didn't like that? Fine. We'll do Skype also. Double-barrel Bam! Reload. What? Now you have Microsoft WP7 also in boycott? No problem. We will still do WP7, with Skype, even with the boycott. Bam! Reload. And the N9 is a hit phone? Won't be long. Fake leaks? Let me show you the new WP7 phone, please you tech bloggers, don't go showing pictures of it, eh? Bam! Reload. MeeGo still desirable? Go ahead punk. Do you feel lucky? You want MeeGo? I'll show you 'mee-go' here: Bam! Reload. You want the N9 with MeeGo in a major Nokia market like the UK or Germany or India or Brazil. I won't give it to you. Bam! Reload. Most of the countries where it will be sold will be teeny-weeny lilliput countries so it can't achieve big sales. Bam! Reload. And if by some chance, the N9 is still a hit phone, I won't release more MeeGo phones anyway. Bam! Reload. Bam! Reload. Share price crashing? No problem. I'll now slash Nokia smartphone prices 15%. Bam! Reload.

(I worry what comes tomorrow. I mean. 15% price cut? This IS what got OPK fired by the Board. How utterly incompetent a fool is he, Stephen Elop the Microsoft Muppet)

Nokia Board! Time to fire Stephen Elop. He is singlehandedly destroying your company. You are incompetent Board Members if you let him continue destroying the company like this. It is clear Stephen Elop will face a lawsuit for deliberate, wanton destruction of Nokia value. Soon you, Board Members, if you don't act fast, are also going to be sued for incompetence for letting Elop ruin your company. Do not wait anymore! Fire him now! Time to act is NOW!